Why "The Thorn & The Glory"?

The Struggle

Psalm 22:1-2 (NIV) 

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I find no rest.”   

I sat at my desk, exhausted, bawling, covered in tears and snot, my glasses abandoned because I couldn't see through them anymore. I squinted at my computer screen, trying to pull together a plan before my meeting with leadership. My brain was fried, my heart was drained, and my body was running on fumes. I had just come back from a few days off—time I desperately needed—but instead of returning refreshed, I was right back to working 60-hour weeks, crying at my desk, and questioning everything.

I had been giving everything to my job—coaching, strategizing, trying to help my team succeed. I poured myself out, stretching so thin I felt like people could see right through me. And yet, despite my efforts, something was missing. A group of my team members had voiced concerns about my leadership. 

I wasn’t expecting that. 

I thought I was doing everything right. 

When my boss sat me down, he didn’t have an answer for what I was doing wrong—just vague suggestions about "building relationships." I was desperate for guidance, but all I got was a half-hearted recommendation to send memes to my team.

I felt defeated. I felt stuck. I felt like I was screaming for help, and no one was answering.

The Breakthrough

I knew I couldn’t keep doing this. Something had to change. That’s when I saw it—an email about a Leadership & Organizational Development Specialist opening in my organization.

I almost didn’t apply. It seemed so far beyond me. I was struggling where I was—what made me think I could move up? But someone I admired in that department encouraged me to go for it. So, with half-hearted hope, I put in my application. I figured it wouldn’t go anywhere, but at least I tried.

Then came the rejection email. Or at least, that’s what I assumed it was when that person I admired, Alyssa (pronounced Ah-leash-ah), asked to set up a meeting. Before I even heard her feedback, I was already planning how I could do better next time. But then she surprised me—she offered to mentor me. She saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself.

I took her up on it. I worked on my resume, pursued every development opportunity I could find, and I put myself out there. A month later, I saw the job posting was still up. This time, I applied with confidence. And this time, I prayed.

"God, please. I am so tired. If this isn’t Your plan for me, I trust You. But Lord, if it is… please, please open this door."

Two weeks later, I got the interview. I was praising Jesus already. But then I found out there was a second interview—with a Global Director. Cue the panic.

I prepared harder than I ever had. I prayed even harder than that. And then… I got the job.

The Dream Come True

This was it. My dream job. The thing I had worked so hard for, the thing I had prayed for, the thing I had begged God to give me.

And it was amazing.

For the first time in my career, I was in a role where I thrived. I was growing more in six months than I had in the previous four years.

I felt confident in my skills.

I felt fulfilled in my work.

I felt purpose in helping other leaders through the same struggles I had faced.

I felt secure in providing for my family.

I had made it. This was it. I had my life completely figured out.

I thought the hard part was over. I thought I had reached the mountaintop. I thought this was the plan.

Then, suddenly, it all started to fall apart.

The Fall

First, our Global Leader left...

I was shocked. She had been such a big part of my growth. We all panicked. A couple of my peers jumped ship immediately. But I still had Alyssa, my mentor-turned-manager.

"It’s okay," I told myself. "As long as I have her, I’ll be okay."

Then, Alyssa left too.

I was happy for her—she deserved better. But I felt like I was watching everything I had worked so hard for crumble.

The leadership that replaced her? Awful.

I suddenly found myself having to play office politics just to avoid being targeted by my new boss. It felt soo... ICKY. 

Everything I loved about my job was being suffocated. The joy, the confidence, the security—gone.

And once again, I found myself flailing, screaming for help, and my pleas were falling on deaf ears.

How did I get here?

The Silence That Followed

I trusted Jesus. I knew He’d save me from this. I knew He wouldn’t let me go through this forever… right?

I kept having these moments where I thought, Oh! This is it! God has my back, it’s about to happen, someone is going to help, this is finally going to end.

But it didn’t. And I grieved.

I had small breakdowns, moments where I doom-scrolled Indeed, frantically trying to get out. I filled out 20+ applications. Nothing.

And finally, after exhausting all my options, I threw my hands up and told God:

"I know You have a plan. I have no idea what that plan is or why I must continue to go through this, but I trust You."

This vicious cycle happened many times throughout 2022 and 2023.

The Rest in the Waiting

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

I had to cling to this verse.

There were moments I felt like the pressure was suffocating me—like I was drowning, barely holding on. The only thing that saved me in those moments was God’s presence.

When I finally let go—when I truly laid my worries at His feet—His peace washed over me.

The waiting didn’t magically end overnight. The situation didn’t instantly change. But I changed.

Because when I trusted that God had a plan bigger than what I could see, I found peace in the waiting.

The Transformation

James 2-5 (NIV) 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

I learned that my circumstances weren’t the problem—my heart was.

Jeremiah 17:5-9 (NIV) 

'"Thus says the Lord : “Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord . For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, And shall not see when good comes, But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, In a salt land which is not inhabited. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord , And whose hope is the Lord . For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit. “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?'"

I had placed so much of my identity in my job. I had let it define me. And when it wasn’t fulfilling me, I felt lost.

God had to strip away that false sense of self so that I could rebuild my foundation on Him.

The Lesson in the Thorn

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV) 

"or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

For so long, I had been desperate to remove this thorn from my side—to escape the struggle, to fix the problems, to make life easier. But then, God opened my eyes to something: even if I plucked this thorn, there would always be another.

And that wasn’t just okay—it was something to rejoice over.

Because without the thorns, how would I ever see the power of God in my life?

Without struggle, how would I ever witness firsthand that He is the one who rescues, who restores, who strengthens?

I thought about all the prophets in the Bible—the ones God called for His purposes. Did any of them live a thorn-free life? No. They suffered, they struggled, they had their moments of fear and doubt. But every thorn, every hardship, was an opportunity for the Lord to show the world just how good He is.

And not just the world—to show me.

To show the people in my life who needed saving that no matter what happened, no matter what hell the world put me through, God was there. God is good. His mercy and His glory never end.

I stopped longing for the moment the thorns would be gone. Instead, I embraced them, because the thorns are where I see God the clearest.

The Glory After the Thorn

The moment I accepted this, when I truly surrendered, embraced Jesus, and leaned into the version of me He had called me to be, something beautiful happened.

I went on maternity leave.

I had my youngest baby—my last baby, my only girl. And it was amazing.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t drowning in stress (disclaimer: there was some stress with a newborn & two little boys. but not the miserable kind lol) 

Honestly, I was at peace. I was resting in the life God had given me, in the gifts He had entrusted me with.

And when I returned to work in April 2024, I found something unexpected.

A new leader.

Her name is China.

And I have been a part of her team since the day I returned from leave.

I can confidently say: she is EXACTLY the leader I needed.

Under her, I have had never-ending growth. She advocates for me, she fights for me, and she has pushed for the raises and promotions I had been praying for.

She has reshaped Leadership & Organizational Development into what it should have been all along.

And here’s the thing: God worked it out perfectly.

Because only someone like China—with her experience, her authority, her presence—could do what needed to be done.

China was the tool God used to remove my thorn.

But guess what?

I know another thorn will come.

And now, I look forward to it.

The Encouragement for You

Isaiah 55:8-11 (NIV) 

'“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord . “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.'"

If you’re in a season where God feels silent, where you feel like you’re screaming for direction and getting nothing, I want to remind you:

He is still working.

Even when you don’t see it. Even when you don’t feel it.

Hold onto Him. Lay it at His feet. And trust that His perfect, higher, greater plan is still unfolding.

Because when we are weak, He is strong.

And that is more than enough.